he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
