she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
