Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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