you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
