i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
