You really coming over, don't trick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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