Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
