remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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