Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
