I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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