I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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