i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Randomize
