You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
