Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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