omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
