god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
