she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
