bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
