singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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