just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm passing your future prison.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
