Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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