It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
