Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
NoShamevember. You game?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
