Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
