Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
