Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
