I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
