Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
