ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
