May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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