There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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