Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
