I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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