I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
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the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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