god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
