And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
