I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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