I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
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