Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
