you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
