lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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