I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
