Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
