I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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