It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
