very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
