I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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