god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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