why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
