Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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