Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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