Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
