were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
