I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
