Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
