am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
