I'm so fucking centered right now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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