True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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