my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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