i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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