fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
