I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
