all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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