totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
