what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
