my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize