She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
