You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just want nice things and good sex
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
