We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
