Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
