You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
