I accidentally had phone sex last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
