I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
