how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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