Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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