Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
