Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
