I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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