yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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